Can I be her?

But seriously...can I? Do you ever wonder why God made you the way He did or how you ended up at a certain point? Like, how did I ever get started with Spanish? And why do I like it so much? Or is it just something I happened to do well and there went life? (I don't actually think that but I do feel a similar love for most languages, Spanish just happened to be the only thing taught...) And interestingly enough, something I continued because I did well is now something that keeps me pretty humble. There's always more to learn, more to experience, more ways to grow.

Just a moment to pause and wonder why I love the things I do. I'm sure some of it is the old nature vs. nurture argument. Like why anything from Europe fascinates me. Why seeing any country's national pride makes me get goosebumps. Why I sometimes just get the itch to to marry that gorgeous soccer player from Spain, and live there and take dancing lessons and that's that. (I won't, but you get the idea.) Or teach English in another country or be a librarian in another country (yeah, that's a new one, probably based on my excitement of getting 5 new books in the mail and wanting to share that with someone. So I guess bookstore owner would work,too?)

Dreams are funny. We shall see which of these comes true. Not that I don't love my life. It's just that sometimes you just get that longing to BE something, like this lady dancer. I could be her. I really could. They need Dutch flamenco dancers, right?

Escobar

Andres or Pablo? The difference? One is a murdered Colombian soccer star and the other was a Colombian drug cartel leader. Why do I care? Because Joy and I happened upon this documentary last night on ESPN. There were many things I loved about this:
1. It was all in Spanish with English subtitles, so I practiced my listening skills.
2. I learned a LOT--which I love.
3. #2 makes me a huge nerd and I'm pretty ok with that.
4. I have a friend who not only watched it with me, but loved it just as much as I did, probably for all the same reasons.
5. After the documentary (because we weren't done being nerdy) we had a discussion about immigration.

That pretty much sums it up. And this was after we layed out, went to Bread & Cup, etc. All in all, tip top day. It's funny how you can be friends with someone for so long and still have interests that completely match up. I love this about my long-standing loyal friends.

Skipping

The other day I had this image pop into my head about my walk with God. Do I want to be this girl in the picture who willingly follows her father on the adventure? Or do I want to continue being the girl who drags her feet because she's scared and has to pause for reassurance every 5 minutes? The first one seems more fun. And I think it all comes down to how much do I trust my Father?

Purpose

That's a tricky word. One I usually like to have a handle on. Mainly because I like to be efficient. And why do something if it doesn't have a point? And then God asked me to teach in a public school. And that obvious purpose went right out the window. At least to my half-closed eyes for awhile. I will say there are many times I wonder what the heck God is doing with me, being Teacher Jill. And don't get me wrong, I love my job. But I do often wonder what's up with it.

Working with high schoolers is just so weird sometimes. Okay, most of the time but you tend to get accustomed to it after awhile. For example, I have this group of kids that have been in my study hall for the last 3 years. Some of them call me Mom. They're a rough group of kids and we've been through a lot in the last 3 years. We've had a parent die, one got kicked out of school for some illegal activity, break-ups within the group (oh.my.awkward) and everything in between. And we have this relationship where they tell me everything about everyone else but not themselves (probably because a lot of it is illegal or just super inappropriate.)

Anyway, the point to this post. So I usually don't feel like I make any headway with them because I can't actually share Jesus at school like I so often want to. And don't get me wrong, a lot of these kids go to church, my church even. But then I was at Starbucks the other day. And one of them was eating with his parents at Chipotle and they told him I was over at Starbucks. So he came and sat by me after dinner and then proceeded to talk to me for 45 minutes about his mission trip to an Indian reservation. He talked about how he was so sad to leave, how he didn't feel like he had any purpose to just "hanging out with friends" like he used to, etc. And we talked. Well, mainly he talked and I listened. And marveled at this kid, thinking where did this come from?

So maybe that's the point. I build relationships with these kids and hope and pray that they know I'm there when they need me to be. And I know that's true deep down but sometimes it's nice to be reminded with something concrete. I'm not sure I even said anything to him that was earth-shattering or worthwhile at all. But I listened. And he was a 17 year old boy who never shares about more than what video game he's playing, who decided to share his heart with me. God is good.

oh the drive...

Sometimes I have a lot of drive and sometimes I don't. Or more accurately, it all depends on what we're talking about. Yesterday I wrote out this week's goals. And today I finished season 2 of Gossip Girl (I had to watch 5 episodes to do it and totes fun with Lindsey.) So there I had a lot of drive.

But now I'm supposed to work out and do so before Katie gets home so we can hang out. And it's only a 20 minute video. But I am seriously crabby about having to change out of my lovely dress and put on shorts. I hate shorts. They always ride up because no matter how small I am, my thighs will inevitably touch. And I hate to sweat or at least my version of sweating, which is getting really hot and semi-pissed off. I'm not cut out for this working out stuff, I'm much more in my happy place being girlie in my dress, drinking coffee. But alas, I don't want to weigh 500 pounds or in the nearer future, have jiggly arms. So I will work out. Be glad you don't have to talk to me during it tonight...I won't be pleasant.

And por fin, goal #5

I am making this. I wrote the recipe down from Giada. It's salmon with mango salsa. If you're nice, I'll maybe invite you over.

Gross goal #4

Finishing this grad class with my online lit discussion. (Yank my chain please...) And WHY do all education books have to have stupid covers? Helllllooooo, not all of us appreciate our books looking like it was checked out from the elementary library. I will be embarrassed to read it in public.

Goal #3 (and muy importante en mi opinión)

Can.not.wait. Anorexia is not included.

Goal #2

Start reading the LOTR series, beginning with The Hobbit.

This week's goal #1

Catch up on GG. Can't wait. And Chace aka "I wish he was my luuurve god" was thrown in for good measure.

Clouds

The other day I was doing my Bible study and thinking, "Seriously, Beth Moore, I HATE when you make me look up 9,000 random verses. And this will probably not have that great of a point." However, I was wrong because God had other ideas. We looked up a lot of verses on clouds. Why? Because apparently God shrouds Himself in a cloud a LOT in the Bible, to hide His glory but make His presence known. Anyway, she quoted Oswald Chambers and it hit me right in the gut/heart/soul/whatever.

"We'll be greatly helped when we accept that clouds are not signs of His absence. Indeed, within them we most often find His presence...It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were no clouds, we should have no faith. Through every cloud He brings, He wants us to unlearn something. His purpose in the cloud is to simplify our belief until our relationship to Him is exactly that of a child-God and my own soul, other people are shadows....Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God's character, we do not yet know Him."

This came at a time when I needed to hear it. I've been in a cloud of confusion due to some circumstances and God saying no to a few prayers that I know He asked me to ask. And finally He has given that above clarification. God can say no and His character remains unchanged. God can say no and He will still want me to ask Him for things. God can say no but it doesn't give me the right to stop trusting Him. God can say no and He alone can still give me confidence to ask Him boldly for things. And most importantly, God can say no and I can actually end up loving Him more after it.

Qué estúpida!

Stupid things I did yesterday (within a 3 hour time-span):
-drove to Starbucks when I was supposed to be going to Panera. Didn't notice until Katie said something.
-Dropped my brush in the toilet.
-Got nail polish on my new dress.
-Put conditioner in my hair while there was still shampoo in it.

I'd say, "What was my deal yesterday?" but honestly, that's pretty typico.

so typico

I'm quoting my dear fictional friend, Georgia in this post (which, FYI, I'm referring to the Georgia Nicolson series. If you haven't read it, you should. Full of hilariousity.) Typico: I decided to use a fun background per suggestion of my pally wally, Ashley. I should just be able to copy and paste. But if you know me at all, that rarely happens in such simple terms. So now after a couple of hours, I have a background and a title, which incidentally, have errors that I've hidden and a big fat advertisement for Shabby Blogs that I can't seem to remove. Because I can't read html.

Also typico: my summer goals. Upon finishing one (completing Harry Potter series of which I could blog about forever), I then decide to go full-steam ahead and just read all of the other fantasy series out there, mainly the Lord of the Rings trilogy and Chronicles of Narnia. Ordered them on Amazon today because why do something small when you could do it in grandiose fashion? And after taking a vocabulary class all week, I decide that I need to improve my English vocabulary through words of the day and Free Rice and other websites. My blog title should be Huge Nerd Kitty Kat or something of the like.

I'm blogging? Sisisisi.

I've pondered what I would blog and what I would call the blog for quite some time now. I threw around various ideas, such as one whole blog for all of the random things I get asked by my students (and believe me, there's enough material...at least during the school year.) Or deciding to blog about the funny things I encounter or things I read and I finally decided, I can't separate out my life like that. It all mixes together and that's essentially what this is: my jumbled life of thoughts, humor, and experiences.

Tra-la what? It's a phrase used in the Bridget Jones books/movies and it's kind of like the British way of saying "ta-da", except funnier and usually used after she's done something ridiculous. My dearest friend, Ashley, claims I have Bridget Jones-like tendencies (or in her younger literary counterpart, Georgia Nicolson) for inexplicable reasons. Or rather, it's difficult to put into words, you just have to be there...i.e. when I fall in the door with lots of bags or drop my drink in Panera and everyone looks, we will usually look at each other and say, "Annnnd, that's why you're Bridget/Georgia."

From the branch. A few different reasons here. First, because the song, "Loving You", by Minnie Ripperton, is usually associated with me. You know the song...loving you is easy because you're beautiful. And then it has all of the la-la-la's sung in a really high voice--which I do often. And there are bird noises in the song. Hence, the branch. Secondly, and a little more seriously, is because that's where I feel like I'm living life...out on the branch. I've as of late, often referred to my relationship with the Lord like a tree. Will I stay near the trunk, where it's safe, or will I continue to climb out to the branch, where it's vulnerable and where, unless God decides to protect me and come through for me, I'm pretty much a goner. It's been a challenge to live this way for the past few years but one, I have found, that is so worth it.

So I shall blog about life. And we shall see what happens. Tra-la! jajajajaja