A Birthday Post

 Ashley's 26th Birthday...where we are going to have birthday toddy and birthday wine.

My 26th Birthday 9 months ago...where we had birthday toddy and birthday wine.

A cute little Christmas monster

 He's just too cute.  I can't believe he'll have a brother or sister in less than a month!

 Right before he pinches my face. (It's a love pinch and then he squeals.)

 You now can't lay down or he will want you to play "horsey"

Grandpa's a sucker for it EVERY time.

Christmas with the Clark's

 Christmas fun.

 More Christmas fun with Quelf.

 Rosie and Georgia.

 Gross. And typico.

 Pooooor Kitters was tired and sick.

Bobbi....being Bobbi.  (Oh, okay, she was playing a game...)

YAYYYYYYYYYYY

The finals are done!  I'm finishing up some grading but other than that, 1st semester is over!  Some highlights from today:

*Every desk and chair and board and cabinet got wiped down.  (Thank you, 1st period.  And yes, I'm slightly anal-retentive about germs.  You would be too if you were around 140 snot-nosed students everyday.)
*I got all journals graded.  I HATE grading these.  But they're done.
*In relation to the previous statement I read this in one journal after the topic was a free-write:  "Well, I got turned down for a date this weekend so that stinks."    I laughed.  Which is mean and then I wrote, "Pobrecito...I'm sorry."  Awkward.  Don't write that in your journal.
*I printed out Christmas coloring sheets to keep some boys quiet after their final.  I had to reprint one because one of them got so upset when he colored something wrong.  They kept quiet and told me they were giving them to their mothers.  (These are the same boys that have a moratorium in place for talking to girls.  And it has seriously lasted all semester.  They once told me I don't count as a girl.)
*I have plan today! (Which is why I'm blogging my highlights!)
*I get to start off break celebrating a super-fabby girl, who turns 27 today.  Yay for Tabby Cat!

Boys are the same at 16 and 26

I was feeling a little crabby today.  Or maybe they were just extra annoying.  They kept asking me about their student teacher and what her first name was, etc.  This is how that went:
16 year old boys (16YOB):  Sooo, what's her name.  We could check her out on Facebook....Oh yeah, does she have her Gmail yet?  Oh yeah, we could email her.  (This is between about 5 of them while I'm handing back quizzes.)
Me:  ENOUGH.  We are DONE talking about this.
16YOB:  Why?  We haven't even said anything...why can't we know her first name?
Me:  Well, let's review what you want to do with that information.  It's disturbing and you are very much annoying me.  End of conversation.

10 minutes later after I had yelled at them...

16YOB:  So, are you coming to our basketball game tonight?  (Reserve 10th grade boys bball no less...the JOY)
Me:  Uhhh, tonight?  I don't know.  Maybe you could look at the calendar and pick out another game and I will come to it.
16YOB:  Oh ok!...February 1st!  Write it down! Do you think our student teacher will come?
Me:  Maybe.  I can invite her once I meet her.
16YOB:  No, don't yet.  We need to see what she looks like first.
Me:  So you're telling me you liking her is only based on how she looks?  (Again...shocking.)
16YOB:  No, we want to meet her too and if she's mean we don't want her to come.
Me:  I see.  So it's looks first, then maybe personality.
16YOB:  Well, yeah.  The personality will make it go up or down if we like her.
Me:  I'm well aware.  I'm 26.  Boys are still the same.
16YOB:  You're 26?  Maybe I should set you up with my cousin!

I'm ready for a break.

Weird

I forced myself to wake up this morning because I was having such a bad dream that included being trapped in a camper with a man outside with a shotgun.  And the camper was at the end of the airport hallway instead of the airplane the whole family was supposed to get on to go the beach.  BUMMER.  I called my mom to make sure nothing bad had happened. (Nothing did, obvi.)

It was so bad the bed head in my eyebrows was worse than ever.  And my bangs were going 4 different directions.  I shouldn't sleep with wet hair.  Or alternatively have bad dreams but I can't control that so....

"Faith sees a beautiful blossom in a bulb, a lovely garden in a seed, and a giant oak in an acorn."
-William Arthur Ward

Talking Cats Play Pattycake

I would like to make videos like this.

did you know

That you will DIE if you try to memorize 3 minutes of a Spanish story (that you wrote yourself)??  I didn't know that.  But apparently my Spanish 4 students say that this is true and their heads are on the way to imploding.  I've just learned so much about the brain and its limitations today.  Glad I'm enlightened.  And apparently this implosion happens after only 5 MINUTES OF TRYING TO MEMORIZE.  I'm going to keep tally on how many complaints I get in the next 60 minutes.  I'm probably already at 1000.

Tis the season

For grading to be coming out of my ears!  I think it feels worse because I was gone so much in the past 2 weeks due to One Act.  (And once that was over, I said "check, DONE" about a million times to myself.)  It's the final push here before the end of the semester (5 DAYS LEFT!!) and the song going through my head is:

"My give a damn's busted..."

Hahahahaha, it's a song, I promise. A country one maybe?  I just know that part of the song, of course. And it makes me laugh every time I hear it playing in my head.  Because it's soooooooooooooo true.  That's why I'm blogging instead of grading things over lunch.  I don't care about your quizzes, your journals, your verbs, and especially your presentations, Spanish 4.  But I'm supposed to care so maybe I can act my butt off and make it to next Wednesday.  We'll see.

"Intercession is putting yourself in God's place; it is having His mind and His perspective....


Our work is to be in such close contact with God that we may have His mind about everything, but we shirk that responsibility by substituting doing for interceding.  And yet intercession is the only thing that has no drawbacks, because it keeps our relationship completely open with God....


When we pray on the basis of redemption, God creates something He can create in no other way that through intercessory prayer."
-Oswald Chambers

"Good poetry survives not when it is pretty or beautiful or nice but when it is true:  accurate and honest.”-Eugene Peterson

I would like this

Because it also come with MATCHING RECIPE CARDS!

And there are no cute recipe cards in stores right now.

Well, mainly because I refuse to write on things with gingerbread men on them.

Mom, I have a feeling you have something up your sleeve for my Christmas present but in case you haven't, check out this website.)

Plain White T's - Rhythm Of Love

Simple + cheesy= Love

Twenty-five

Nope, I'm actually 26.5 but this article still applies.  You should read the whole thing here.  I felt very encouraged about where I am in life after reading this article.  And I have definitely needed some encouragement lately.

excerpt taken from “TWENTY-FIVE” BY SHAUNA NIEQUIST

"....Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either.

Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like, Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this leg of the journey? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?

These years will pass much more quickly than you think they will. You will go to lots of weddings, and my advice, of course, is to dance your pants off at every single one. I hope you go to very few funerals. You’ll watch TV and run on the treadmill and go on dates, some of them great and some of them terrible. Time will pass, and all of a sudden, things will begin to feel a little more serious. You won’t be old, of course. But you will want to have some things figured out, and the most important things only get figured out if you dive into them now."

I think the biggest thing that sticks out to me is that it feels like it is the first time I've heard someone commend all different stages of life that happen in the 20's.  I don't have to feel bad about where I'm not if that's not where God has me.  And as cheesy as it sounds, I just feel free to be me.  Not someone measured against a time table of what my job should look like, what my relationship status should be, where I should be living, what I should be doing.  I don't realize how often I "should" all over myself and it's not a fun place to be.

I certainly don't have my life figured out and I don't need to.  But am I working in a job that I feel like matters?  Overall, yes.  If I take away what I perceive to be other people's judgments about where I work, I feel really good about where I am.  I don't have to prove I'm a risk-taker or that I'm growing or becoming a better version of myself.  I can just be.  Do I have good and loving relationships in my life?  Some of the best.  Am I a different person than I was 5 years ago, a year ago, or even 6 months ago?  Absolutely.  

I love it when I get punched in the face with perspective and you know it's one of those moments that fundamentally changes the way you think about things.  I feel like life is getting breathed back into me and it is such a welcome change.  (If you don't know some personal details of my life, that previous statement will sound a tad melodramatic.  It's not.  Or maybe it is but I don't really care. I never said I wasn't emotional.)

Questions...always questions

Q.We're getting a student teacher?  Oh, is she hot?
A.  I have no idea.

Q. We're getting a student teacher?  Oh, is she a babe?
A.  I have no idea.  Also, who still says babe?

Q. We're getting a student teacher?  Noooooooooooooooo.  I'm going to be mean to her.
A.  You are such a lovely person.

Q.  So if my verbs are late and it's 10% off, what's my grade start at?
A. Uhhh, 100-10 is 90%....(And I just know I looked at him with big incredulous eyes.)

Q. Do you miss my swagger?  (Student is no longer in my class this year.)
A. No, but you wish I missed your swagger, don't you?
Q. Come on, you know I'm your favorite.
A. Uh, okay.  (He then shows me his "swagger" down the hallway.)

Sunday dinner with the fam + Harry Potter marathon at the Clark's for another 6 hours= good for my soul.
Here's hoping this week goes better than the last...

P.S.

I just realized I blogged about guys peeing on an apartment building before I even talked about one act.  If you didn't know, we made it to state.  What that really means is my stomach/sleep patterns will be screwed up for yet another week.  Not to be cynical or anything...

Well, huh

I turned the corner into my parking lot just a few minutes ago and what do my headlights  happen upon?  Oh, you know, 2 guys peeing on the corner of the apartment building.  But the REALLY fun part is that their car is parked in the way of me getting around them so I just have to sit there and wait/watch until they're finished.  And let me tell you, they must have had a lot to drink.  And also, YES, I kind of watched...it was like a car accident, you just can't turn away, okay??

Then they hopped back in the car staring at me the whole time (sexy...*cough* disgusting)  and went to park.  However, they realized I followed them to park where they were (pure coincidence here), and then turned around and sped back out of the apartment complex.  So now I'll never know who the 3 guys were in that county 9 red Cavalier....SHOOT.

p.s. in all honestly, I was kind of relieved they didn't get back out of the car.  The situation was reminiscent to my freshmen year of college getting surrounded by a group of guys outside Othmer with  Katie...they were very drunk and wanted my pillow.  WHY was I carrying a pillow at 2 a.m. on a Friday night?  To spend the night at Tabitha's 2 blocks away, DUH!  (I'm obsessive about my pillows...)  So as 1 guy chased Katie up a small hill, I elbowed my way out of 3 guys circling me.  I laughed about it at the time and then realized a couple years later, "Oh man, that was actually kind of dangerous!  Oops!"  (Sorry, Mom, if you read this.  I think I left out some of these stories...remind me not to tell you all the creepy things that happened in Europe. :))

It's only Thursday!

AND MAN, I think there's been enough that has happened to last a month.  Apart from the general student/teacher happenings, here are some highlights or just things that stuck out, for better or worse:

1. 2 boys got a pencil stuck in a hole in my wall.  Then they tried to get it out with another pencil.  They are now both stuck in the wall.  Then 8 of their friends came down in study hall and determined that they needed to bring a cordless drill to get it out.  I said NO WAY.  They said, "Oh, it will be fine! We'll just bring it in our backpack, no one will know!"  By the way, this all started because there was a random hole in the cement wall and they just couldn't understand why it was there.  So what do you do if you're 16 and curious?  You stick a pencil in it.  (And I had to refrain SO MUCH while they were trying to get the pencil out of the hole in the wall because if you haven't caught on by now...there were a million "That's what she said's."

2. I got a white boy serenade of the "This is why I'm hot, this is why you're not" rap not once, but twice in one day.  It accompanied the pencil/hole in the wall fiasco.

3. I had to kick a girl out of the one act for punching someone.  I'm sorry, what?  Are we allowed to have physical contact and rage in the ONE ACT?  Cool.

4. I found an ad cut out (we were making collages) and pasted on my wall that said, "Zip up or nip out."  Again:  cool.

5.  I had one of the more embarrassing moments of my personal life happen a couple of days ago.  Suffice it to say it involved a rogue text message delivered to the wrong person and it was really special.  I may or may not have admitted I was flirting with someone and instead of sending it to my friend (cough, Ashley), I sent it to the guy instead.  I mean, REALLY.  Good news is I'm still laughing about it periodically.  If you want to hear the whole story, just let me know.  I was in true form.  Remember back when I started this blog, I said I'm called Bridget Jones just because I act like her at various points in my life?  This would be a primo example.

Oh my word

I'm getting up at 5:30 a.m.  I told my aunt she had to buy me coffee.  That is all.

Thanksgiving Recap

Today I went to 2 Thanksgivings and saw somewhere in the neighborhood of 85 people.  I'm craving some alone time after that.

Did you know....
That I don't like it when you tell me how dilated your cervix is?
That I also don't want to be set up with someone who IS NOT EVEN LEGALLY DIVORCED??
That apparently family get togethers are great places for people to set you up?

Explanation to above comments:

First, without fail, at every family gathering, one of my uncles asks me if I've found a doctor yet. I say no and he tells me I need to hang out on East Campus at the dental school.  I'm not kidding when I say we have this same conversation every time I see him.

Second, the cervix one really doesn't need further explanation other than she kept saying, "WE are dilated to 2 cm."  No, your husband is not dilated.  He does not have those parts.  Also, if you have to tell everyone that, maybe you should go home and eat spicy food instead of the bland turkey so the baby comes faster.  Either way, go home so I don't have to hear about it.  SICK.

Third, at 2nd family get together, my cousin Maggie tells me about 2 cute boys she wants me to meet because they're my age.  (Maggie is 22 and I'm ancient because I'm 26.)  The first one she tells me about is of course, CUTE, in her opinion, and really wants to move back to Cozad and own his own business.  I say, "No thank you."  So then she comes up with Mr. Already a Dentist, and he's great because well, he's a dentist, and he's cute.  And DIVORCED.  I say, "Hey, Mags, no offense, but it's not like I'm knocking down the door of 40 here.  Can we try to stick to options where they haven't been married yet?  Or at least divorced for a longer period of time?"  Fast forward to an hour later, where she brings it up again, and it comes out that he's not actually divorced yet, but separated.  I pitch a fit at the table of indignant laughter and say again, "No thank you."  And then she mutters something about how he's cute and how he bought his soon-to-be ex-wife a boob job.  Neat.

20 minutes later.  My 2nd cousin-in-law's sister (yeah, did you follow that?  Point of story:  not blood related, nor related to me at all), asks in conversation, "Wait are you single?"  I say yes, why, etc. and she asks how old I am, etc.  She apparently has a son who's my age that lives in Lincoln.  She and her husband live on the beach in Puerto Rico.  She later finds out I like Spain, she still thinks I need to meet her son, etc.  Point of story:  She has my number to give to her son.  I mean, seriously.  In the word of Ashley after she finds out, "Only you would get a blind date out of a family gathering."  True story.

And then I went to see Love and Other Drugs with my aunt and cousins and I'm now awaiting a phone call to see if  my aunt is dragging me to Black Friday early tomorrow morning, er, this morning, I guess.  I'm not going to lie, I went last year, and I LOVED the hype of it all.  I would just run to large groups of people gathered around a bin, ask what we were going for and jump in.  It was awesome.  I wasn't after anything in particular, just the laughs from my sister.  I also bought stuff but I could probably have bought the same stuff later in the month.

Also, did you know I read my posts and if I find grammar errors, I will re-publish the post?  Yes, I'm pedantic like that.  And yes, I first thought about being an English teacher.  And yes, I re-published this post.

A Summary of Today

*Went to a conference one act competition in Elkhorn.
*Watched 2 girls get build-a-bears in the shape of Harry Potter owls.
*Discovered the joy of fleece-lined tights.
*Got asked by a student if he would get dress-cut if he bought a "Hot for Teacher" t-shirt.  (I responded with, "I don't know, I just think it's weird.  And maybe you're weird for buying it??  He said "ok" and bought the shirt.  And then put it on.  Straightaway.)
*My students decided to start a new tradition of group-hugging me after shows.  (I don't like hugs.  It was a very uncomfortable experience.  Hence, why they kept doing this.)
*Played some rockin' Skipbo on my phone in between some of the boring shows.
*Used the stupefy spell on some students so they would be quiet.  
*Explained to a boy student that sheer panty hose are not in fact the same thing as opaque tights.  Nor are socks that don't go to your knees.  He didn't get it.  (He had to wear them with knickers for the show.  Yesterday he rocked the sheer black panty hose with lots of runs.  It was NOT cute.  Or era-appropriate.  But whatevs.)
*Got some super helpful comments (insert sarcasm here) from judges where they said, "Oh!  I really liked your wheelchair!  It was really appropriate for the late 1800's!"  or "Good job, you really knew your lines well."
             My response to those:  SERIOUSLY?  Do you think I'd just borrow a wheelchair from the school nurse and call it good?  And we knew our lines well?  That's like telling me, "Congrats!  You walked across the stage without falling!  Good job!"  I wasn't a big fan of them today in case you couldn't tell.  Be HELPFUL.  TELL US THINGS TO FIX--it's not hard, I have two pages worth.
*Some high school boy from another school apparently walked by me and whispered "I love you" to me.  (My students told me.)  Again, my response:  prove you can grow facial hair, give yourself 10 years, and then we'll talk.  Unless, of course, you're still just as creepy to whisper I love you to a stranger, in which case, don't talk to me ever.  (I think I have the curse of people saying that to me.  Whatever happened to people keeping that crap bottled up??)
*And finally, I unloaded a trailer of stuff in 10 degrees and then ran to the bus barn to make sure I didn't leave my phone in the school suburban before Thanksgiving break.  That made me cough because it was really cold, I don't run ever, and I'm partially asthmatic.  Annnnnd if you didn't know what I looked like when reading this, you're picturing me to be an obese nerd with glasses and tacky sweaters.

Weasley Family Clock

Weasley Family Clock plus 9 other technologies to steal from Harry Potter. Does this make me a huge nerd? Absolutely.

WARNING~inappropres alert

Don't continue reading if you're easily offended.  But if you're friends with me, you're probably not easily offended.

Well, friends, the time of year has come for Spanish 2 students to learn irregular verbs in the past tense.  HOW is that inappropriate you may ask?  Just read the following conversation that took place yesterday and today. (And then you'll know why I sometimes want to voluntarily punch myself.)

DAY 1
Student:  Weezy (yep, that's what they're calling me these days...or Young Weezy or that with some rap, etc.  It's special.)  Can you come help me?

Me:  Sure, what's the problem?

Student:  How do you say this verb? (as he starts to giggle.  Yes, he giggled.)

Me:  (after reading and saying ahhh crap in my head.)  Well, that's "me puse".  (may poo-say if you don't speak Spanish.  Now say that out loud to get the full effect.  Are you seeing where this is headed yet??)

Student:  That's what I thought.  (He then LITERALLY falls off his chair ONTO THE GROUND from laughter.  I just stare at him and say, "Ok, well neat.")

DAY 2
We learn how to say the above verb and they all start laughing.

Students:  Oh my gosh, how disgusting.  (chorus of "me puse" all around.  What music to my ears....)

Me:  Oooook, this happens every year.  Nothing new.  You guys are COOL. Back to what it means, it means 'I put on shoes, shirt, etc.' (I'm also laughing because they just keep giggling.  This is not helping matters.)

Student:  I know how to remember this: Where do you put it?...

Me:  Don't finish that sentence (with me puse)  You're gross.  Let's move on.

Oh, the joys of Spanish class.  We're all really mature.  The other fan favorite is jugué (pronounced who-gay) They say, "Jugué?  YOU gay!"  I'm probably the worst teacher in the world.

It's 2:32

I opened a pack of gum at 1:00.  It is now half gone.  This is why I'm not allowed to have gum.

Oregon Trail

The Oregon Trail - Official Trailer - watch more funny videos

I'm sorry but this is hysterical if you've every played the infamous Oregon Trail game.  I showed it in class today as a breather.  

I'm still a people-pleaser

Yes, that's right.  The people-pleaser in me is still lurking.  I'd like to say it serves me well at times (i.e. I don't think it's bad to want my students to like me via me genuinely being interested in their lives.)  However, on that same vein of thought, there are MORE times when I have to repeatedly say to myself:  LET. IT. GO.  


For some reason the past couple of weeks, I have had more than the average number of snotty or rude students.   Whether this be from an email telling me essentially how I need to not suck as a teacher (the assignment was what THEY could be working on...hmmm funny), to pretty much ignoring what I said only to ask a male teacher the exact same question after I had answered him.  COOL.  So I have refrained from swearing back in an email as well as not wanting to b*$#@ slap that male student.  But I need a break.  Or I'm going to start getting REALLY snotty back.  Good thing Thanksgiving break is coming up.  They need to go away.  Or it needs to snow a lot.  Either way, I need to NOT see some of these precious faces for awhile.

Find the similarities here

Things I've been asked in the recent future:

1. Have you ever been to Sacramento?

2. Have you ever been to the Strategic Air Command Museum?

3. Do you know Bob Saget?

4. What's it called when the quarterback gets thrown down by linebackers?

And what do all of those have in common??  Oh that's right, they all have the word SACK in them somehow.  I mean, props to their creativity I suppose. Kill me.

Things that made me smile/laugh at school today

• Someone kicked over a mug of coffee in my room and 5 kids helped clean it up.
• It still has a wet stain there and since the AC/heat doesn't seem to work well, I bet it's going to grow mold.  That, for some reason, makes me laugh.
• I had to give explicit instructions on how to not do illegal hits while playing a Spanish game.  Aka, no "helmet to helmet", no dropping of the shoulders, no TOUCHING each other.  Boys are weird.
• I have a couple of boys that always wait for me to leave the room when we go to the lab so they can hold the door open.  I think that's nice.
• I'm a part of the senior breakfast club somehow and tomorrow I'm waking up at 6 to put in my breakfast casserole.  These are some of the same students that started the Norris Tailgating Association, complete with t-shirts.  I think this club is also getting a t-shirt.
• The sophomore boys that have a pact to not talk to girls have now started telling on each other about who everyone used to like in 8th or 9th grade and what they texted and so on and so forth.  It's funny.
• I have one student that randomly decides to only talk in an Australian accident.  And he's pretty good at it.
• I got to have a good life chat with one of my senior girls the other day.

Fun times

I just love these two girls.  Hard to believe we've been meeting for almost 3 years?  I'm so impressed with their maturity and faith but at the same time, knowing we can spend an evening laughing about everything.  Very thankful for them.

Can you tell I'm frustrated in the creative department currently?  Glad I'm directing a one act and we have a show in a little over 2 weeks.  And I can't MAKE it happen.  At least these are funny.

I'm lacking

“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”


“God is really another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style. He just goes on trying other things.” — Pablo Picasso


“Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen.” — John Steinbeck

my man Job

aka "El Trabajo"...just kidding.  (Spanish joke there. Jajajaja.)

"Job feared God and shunned evil."  (Job 1:1)
Then all his kids got killed, his stuff got taken away, his wife peaced out and he got a bunch of boils. Sick. (my own paraphrase)

"Amazingly, Job neither sinned nor blamed God.  He responded beautifully; he worshiped...What makes this story so bewildering is the undeserved nature of his suffering.  Job was innocent.  There was no connection between his sin and the amount of pain he experienced. This seems terribly unfair."  (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, p. 138)

I get why God put this story in the Bible and why it was one of the first recorded (I think the Reverend Clark told me that at one point?)  I don't pretend to be as holy as Job.  But I get what it means to feel like God just HASN'T LET UP for the past 6 years with hard things.  And as much as I ask and as much sin as I know we still have to work through, these things aren't happening because of that.  He's been really clear about that.

And I think it's easy for us to skip to the end of Job's story after his friends give him a bunch of crappy advice and try to find faults in Job in order to make sense out of the mystery that is Job's life.  We skip to the part of the story where he gets way more blessed than he ever was before a la Bill Gates plus some and has a bunch of hot daughters called Job's daughters.

But don't tell me that before all that it didn't just really suck.  So that's where I'm sitting.  The on-going pain of long-term struggles.  The asking why.  Wanting to get comfort out of God when it feels like He's the one doing the hurting.  And this blog title came about with the analogy that I want to live life out on the branch, in faith.  And here I am, months later, and it feels like He just went and dropped me out of the branch.  He didn't but it feels like it.  Learning how to live with where God has you and the MYSTERY that is God.  Why He does the things He does and knowing I might not get to find that out.  So when I think about that and then the fact that Job worshiped as his first response to his pain, I am humbled.  And bewildered.

Easily my most uplifting post so far.

On repeat

Acres of Hope by Shane & Shane.  So glad to dig them out of my iTunes again.

He will allure her
He will pursue her
And call her out
To wilderness with flowers in His hand
She is responding
Beat up and hurting
Deserving death
But offerings of life are found instead


How the story ends is
Love and tenderness in Him
Not safe, but worth it
So the valleys up ahead
Or the ones we live...
We'll sing together


The part that keeps getting me is "she is responding, beat up and hurting" and "not safe, but worth it."  I don't FEEL like it's worth it right now but I know it is.  Why does God lay things on your heart for long periods of time for you to pray about them and then go silent?  Not, "stop asking me for this, Jill, move on" or "this is a no", just NOTHING.  I feel kind of beat up in the heart area.  No, life isn't the worst ever and many things are good.  But the parts of me that seem to matter most have taken a beating for quite some time, years even. And yet...He is silent.  Part of this song I resonate with.  "Not safe."  And other parts, "but worth it", I will keep waiting for.

Baby V

As I like to call Lord Voldemort.  Easily the funniest person I follow on Twitter.  Here's what he posted today.  Too funny to not repost.  His comment was, "Yup, I decied to #speaknow.  If you only knew what was being said."  He of course was mocking the trending topic started by Lady Gaga.  3 reasons why I like this tweeter so much:
1. He mocks everyone and everything.
2. He has impeccable grammar and constantly corrects others.
3. He really tweets as if he's Lord Voldemort.

Thanks, Ash, for discovering him even when you don't have Twitter.

And one more

 

 

Make me happy.

*Sigh*

 

 

 

I was born in the wrong decade.

My favorites

 

JAJAJAJAJAJA

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Also

I'm blogging again instead of
1. going to bed
2. working on a test re-write that I have yet to touch this weekend (WHY do I take things home? I do schoolwork at home like 1 out of ever 50 times I bring it home)
3. organizing my room/stuff
4. reading and thinking through life. (i have been avoiding this for the last week. it's healthy, i promise.)

i am going to v.v.v. tired tomorrow morning. and yet, i'm still plotting on how i can get ready in the least amount of time that will still allow a monday trip to starbucks...hmmm, the choices i have to make.

uhhh

Tonight as I was picking out what I was going to wear tomorrow (I do this every night or I WILL be late to work), I considered tucking my tank top in to my underwear to prevent it from riding up. Then I realized I had just aged about 50 years in 10 seconds.

For Ashley

Today I: went to Starbucks with Ashley, watched football with Ashley, made dinner (yummy mahi mahi and healthy too!) with Ashley, watched a movie with Ashley, ate cookie dough with Ashley, drove Ashley to her car and then went to the Mill. PTL!

In case you didn't catch all that, it's a very tongue-in-cheek fake Facebook post that Ashley and I usually make fun of...the people that feel the need to tell you their whole day on Facebook and make sure to include little details to make themselves sound either A) super interesting or B)make us believe they lead an incredibly interesting life. :) In all seriousness, I did do all those things today and it was a lovely marathon hang out with my dear friend. We also painted our nails Commander in Chic--a greige color (grey + beige=the new black for fall. Duh.)

Autumn

"Youth is like spring, an over praised season more remarkable for
biting winds than genial breezes. Autumn is the mellower season,
and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits."
- Samuel Butler

"Then summer fades and passes and October comes. We'll smell smoke then,
and feel an unexpected sharpness, a thrill of nervousness, swift elation, a
sense of sadness and departure."
- Thomas Wolfe

Randomness

*I have a life now. And I'm SO enjoying it.
*I'm excited to have the energy to do things again such as cooking and cleaning my apartment.
*I LOVE the weather right now. Couldn't be better.
*I found the ultimate chocolate chip cookie recipe. Better than the ones I've made for years.
*A related note: I love Google Reader.
*I started working on our one act. And then helped cut Northstar's one act. I'm pushing that out of my head because it's slightly stressing me out.
*I think I officially DIDN'T get sick post musical. It's a miracle!

Ding dong, this witch is dead

Or almost dead. And I'm sure some students think I'm a witch after this past week. After logging around 80 hours at school in the last 7 days, I can say with love that I am so ready for this show to be over. It's been fun but really stressful. In the end I know it will be worth all the hard work but as of Thursday, I was ready to give up.

We always have one of those rehearsals and for some reason that day, I was just super emotional. Everything made me cry. I cried about my grandpa who died 3 years ago (WHY does missing him have to hit now?? Probably because I'm tired.) I cried in the light booth as I was on the headset barking orders. (Silently, of course.) They were tears of frustration and who knows what else. I'm pretty used to directing big shows but for some reason this year, it's seemed a little worse. I think maybe because we added a lot of new elements that I don't have control over, like flying people and live animals and 40 elementary kids.

At any rate, it went a lot better Saturday and I know overall, the kids are having fun and it's an experience I'm excited that they get to have. Sometimes I think I just forget that I'm dealing with 120 people at a time with a lot of other factors thrown in and I don't have enough time to process that by myself. I do wonder if all the time is worth it eternally. I know God has allowed me this opportunity and has given me certain gifts that go with it but I don't always make the connection with how I'm furthering the kingdom by directing the musical and giving up my life for 6 weeks. Maybe it's just really indirect or maybe I don't need to understand but just do it because it's something I think God has asked me to do. I'll have to process that when I have more time...which is in about 7 days. (not that I'm counting...)

I love the Husker fight song

And I'm super thankful we aren't the "Hilltoppers" like Western Kentucky. Who had a mascot that resembled a mix of a red cookie monster and Elmo. So one can only assume it was a HILL??? How menacing...wish I had gotten a picture. And I love that I went to UNL. Go school spirit. (I will never be saying GBR, by the way. Makes me want to poke my own eyes out. Like Go Big Red was too many syllables???)

Ouch

That's me getting smacked in the face with some truth. I've been reading in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality about our journey through the wall. And at some point, every Christian has to do it. And you can either journey through it or become stagnant or even worse, regress. This process can take a few months or many years.

I'm realizing that this process probably started 5 years ago, with that wonderful Chi Omega experience of presidency. And since then, it's been a LOT of hard lessons without a lot of happiness to balance it out. Not that day in and day out I feel sad, but overall, there hasn't been a super joyous season. And in a lot of ways, it's good to know this is normal.

I had the thought the other day that God is evidently more concerned with my holiness than my happiness. And the yucky part of me hates that. I wish I felt differently. But right now, I don't. And the best I can do is be really honest about that. I was really convicted by this passage in the chapter I was reading.

"I like control. I like to know where God is going, exactly what he is doing, the exact route of how we are getting there, and exactly when we will arrive. I also like to remind God of his need to behave in ways that fit in with my clear ideas of him...Yes, God is everything revealed in Scripture, but also infinitely more. God is not an object that I can determine, master, possess, or command. And still I try to somhow use my 'clear ideas' about God to give me power over him, to somehow possess him. Unconsciously, I make a deal with God that goes something like this: 'I obey and keep my part of the bargain. Now you bless me. Do not allow any serious suffering.'"

Ouch. That pretty much sums up my wrong ideas of my walk with God. And as long as it seems to have been, I don't think I would think those above thoughts in a short amount of time. It's the long-term struggles and waiting that bring out the grossness in me. It's THEN that I get tired and frustrated and my true character comes out. I'm no stranger to waiting for things. And I'd like to say I've gotten pretty good at it. But then it strikes a chord and suddenly God reveals those nice little gems of truth that hit me straight between the eyes. Super ouch.

Sass and sadness

 

I love this picture. It was still summer. We were heading to lay out after a delicious lunch of sandwiches and lots of beverages for the day. I also love the sassy look Ashley is giving here. Maybe it's part shock that I'm actually taking a picture? At any rate, it makes me laugh but really sad at the same time. I know there won't be any more days like that one for a REALLY long time...unless it happens in the south of France or some fabulous beach in Spain(which is very possible and not that bad actually.) But she will be leaving for 5 years. And I have those moments more often now where I think, "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT HER HERE?" I really don't know to be honest.

Preguntas #1, #2

I thought I'd just start numbering the weird things I get asked this year.

1. Can I be an usher in your wedding? (Asked by one of my senior boys. I responded with, "You don't even like to say hi to me in public, that will be weird for you. Especially if I don't get married for awhile." He assured me he would be fine.)
2. Can I be the godfather of your firstborn? (Different senior boy. He also said he was going to become best friends with whoever I marry so he can also be the best man in my wedding.)

***You will notice throughout the year that I get asked more about my dating life/my non-existent upcoming nuptials by BOYS. Not girls. Breaking open that stereo-type right there. So weird.

Let's try this again

The first day of school that is. I re-tried on my 1st day of school outfit after missing the first 2 days of school due to a weird combo of bronchitis/crappy meds/virus?? Who knows? After being down for the count for a good 5 days (plus a trip to the trusty ER), I guess I'm ready to be back in the saddle.

So here we go, starting that good ol' fourth year of teaching. Man, that makes me sound old! And guess what? Still get nervous. Still have to put my game face on and think, "You don't have to be super nice the first day. In fact, don't be nice. Be strict." That's my mantra tomorrow because if you ever have one awful year of teaching as I did 2 years ago, that will be your mantra too. I AM easy-going...around my friends. Around YOU students? No-not a chance. I do in fact care if you bring a crappy piece of paper and something to write with. I do care if you get out of your seat at an inappropriate time. And I also care if you walk behind my desk and start touching stuff. Who knew? I certainly didn't expect that of myself when I first started but here I am, I guess a little wiser.

So I'm expecting to have a post in the near future about the wildly inappropriate things I get asked. In fact, I'll probably look at the clock tomorrow and see how long it takes. Stay tuned...

End of summer project...

This was made from.....




THIS!!! That's a whole summer's accumulation of never being home/not caring.


Things I found during this 5 hour cleaning spree of all 3 closets/room:

1. a rotten apple in one of the 15 purses I emptied.
2. My glasses that have been missing for 2 months...under my chair.
3. about 25 pens, thus negating a school supply shopping trip
4. a pair of cowboy boots
5. approx. $12 in Costa Rican money
6. a copy of MASH that Ashley and I played on my 26th birthday (whilst drinking a bottle of wine...)
7. check booklets that went MIA so I kept starting new ones...oops

Still missing: a super cute $7 blazer I bought from Target a couple months ago. BUMMER.

p.s. I've only been living here for a year and 4 months. Guess I didn't do such a good job the first time around.

More family fun...

Shocking that we actually took pictures as a family. Not so shocking was that after looking at them, we all said, "Wow, I need to work out." (See?? There's a reason I hate all pictures of me...it's genetic!)

Also very thankful that I have a family that I actually WANT to go on vacation with for a week at a time. We all genuinely like each other and the older I get, the more I realize how rare of a blessing that is.

I love being an aunt!

I mean, how could I not love being this kid's aunt? Sometime I worry that his sibling won't be as cute. Or if I have children, they will just pale in comparison to him. The kid has got the good genes going on. Plus, I think he's so funny to boot. Did I just say boot? Breaking out the 80 year old jargon here...It's fun how much this little guy has changed his parents' lives and our family dynamic. Can't wait to meet his brother or sister in February...crazy!

"Snowy" Range

My family went on vacation to Snowy Range in Wyoming. We got the flu the first night there. This is the view I had (at night) as I threw up one of many times. (I stopped counting after 7. Disgusting, I know.) My dad from then on called it Pukey Range. After those 24 fun hours were over, we went to Loveland, where there were outlet malls and electricity, etc. :) I think we were all glad for those things after our bout with nature in an extreme way at 11,000 feet. I'm done roughing it for the summer. And before you think I'm all high-maintenance, I'll have you know that I've spent half my summer "roughing" it...aka not a lot of showers and weird beds. ahhhhh, nature...

This is the life...

I actually said that in Costa Rica. Background: Allison asked me to walk with her to get one of these coffee drinks. I went and it was oh, a million degrees out. After the 30 minute walk, we finally got back "home" (the high school where we slept in classrooms). Allison suggested that we put our feet in the cement hole/sink to cool off. So we do, and as we are drinking our preferred beverages (mine was Coca Cola light), I looked at her and with all sincerity said, "This is the life." She told me I needed to raise my standards.

I haven't had a lot of time to process those two weeks in ways that I normally do but I have been doing a lot of thinking. That story keeps coming to mind, one, because it's funny, and two, because it made me think. At that moment in time, I was completely content. (Or maybe delirious from the heat...) Why was that? I wasn't sleeping well, I got asked a million questions all day, I was doing hard labor, I was internally feeling really discouraged. But for those 20 minutes of rest, I was at peace.

After thinking about it, I think it's because there's something so rewarding about working hard in God's kingdom with the knowledge that you are smack in the middle of where He wants you to be, even if that place is difficult. I still don't have a lot of answers or proof that I was really used by God while I was down there but I know He wanted me there more than I wanted to be there at times. And for that to be enough was what made me feel at peace. Not overjoyed but at peace and content.

Sometimes I still don't understand why God asks me to go to foreign countries on these little trips where my main purpose isn't even the people of that country, but our own high school students. But He's asked me to do it numerous times. And while I can't say I've necessarily seen a lot of fruit from that (and maybe I need to pray that my eyes are a little more open), I know He wants me there. And while I was sitting with my feet in that dirty little cement sink, I knew that in my heart. And while it was a hard couple of weeks, knowing that right in that moment was enough.

Freaka Rica

I'm blogging instead of cleaning my room like I intended. I leave tomorrow for two weeks. I've been out of the country for much longer but somehow this seems like a long trip. Maybe it's because I feel like something big could happen in a lot of different ways. So here's what's on my mind/heart and what I'm asking God. You can join me if you wish. :)

1. God would open up our eyes to the power of prayer. It's something I've been discussing with a few girls and I so desire them to see the value of communicating with God because A.) it's a good way to build your relationship with Him and B.) it's fun to watch Him work and be connected to that. The plan is to ask Him for daily specific things. I'm praying they will catch on to this idea. I love it.

2. God would give me strength on a daily basis to love others out of His love for me. If you know me, you know I'm fairly independent....understatement. :) But for whatever reason, I'm (thankfully and painfully) very aware of how much emotional energy this trip will take--this year more than ever. I will not be able to do this one on my own.

3. God would open up these students' eyes (both our students and the students in Upala who we are working with) to the joy of being in a relationship with Him. No shoulds/have to's/guilty complexes--just pure unadulterated love for our Father. The joy of relationship.

Thanks for praying...God knows I need it. I'll try to update while I'm there. And yes, I just posted about sweeping employees and prayer requests in the same 15 minutes. It's just how my mind works.

I have a gift

Of sitting somewhere and the employee immediately finding me and deciding to sweep around me. It happens to me at Starbucks all the time, with a particular foe who does NOT catch on to my girlish glares as she MOPS AROUND MY PURSE. It also happens at the Mill. They take it a step further and put chairs up around me and sometimes I feel the over-spray of their cleaning mist.

BUT I DRAW THE LINE when I am going to the bathroom at the movie theater and the woman thinks she needs to use her broom and basket in the stalls next to me and even crosses the invisible line into my stall to get the rogue piece of toilet paper. SIGH. I digress. Good thing I'm leaving the country for a couple of weeks to cool down.

Are We There Yet?

ARE WE THERE YET
Written by Ingrid Michaelson

They say that home is where the heart is
I guess I haven't found my home
And we keep driving round in circles
Afraid to call this place our own.

And are we there yet?

They say there's linings made of silver
Folded inside each raining cloud
Well we need someone to deliver
Our silver lining now

And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
Home, home, home
Home, home, home

They say you're really not somebody
Until somebody else loves you
Well I am waiting to make somebody somebody
Soon

And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
Home, home, home.
Home, home, home.

Where you will lie on the rug
While I play with the dog
And it won't be too much
Cuz' this is too much
Cuz' this is too much for me to hold
This is too much for me to hold

Home, home, home

And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?

Home, home, home
Home, home, home
Home

And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there yet?
And are we there?

I suppose this is one of my more personal posts but the I identify with the lyrics on a couple of different levels. My heart hasn't found its home yet. It won't, truly, until Jesus comes back. But I do hope it finds its home with someone on this earth. But mainly I feel like I am driving in circles right now. And I do ask God, "Are we there yet?"

I'm so thankful that God is patient with my impatience. And even though I feel like we keep circling and keep "learning the landscape" (gahhh, lessons!), I know He has a direction in mind. But I'm also thankful that the friend aspect of Jesus understands me when I do ask if we are there yet? And while my perspective is most likely off-kilter when I ask that question, he does get me. And when I say that "it's too much for me to hold", He holds me. Home is where the heart is.

7 days

I leave for Costa Rica in 7 days. Soooo strange. Which isn't in fact that strange, considering I've been there two times before. But somehow it feels weightier this year. Maybe because last year wasn't so great. Or maybe because I feel more significance in the relationships this year. I'm not sure. It's always funny when people ask me if I'm excited. I'm not one to lie. So I usually hesitate and say, "yes/no."

Yes-I'm excited to see what God will do because I know He has purposed this for me, for whatever reason.
No-It's not like it's a vacation. It's a lot of work and I know there's the potential to be emotionally drained.
YES/NO= I know God has things planned there. I know I will see Him work. I know some of it will be painful. I know some of it will be really good. Which equals a big fat question mark of how I feel about it.

Can I be her?

But seriously...can I? Do you ever wonder why God made you the way He did or how you ended up at a certain point? Like, how did I ever get started with Spanish? And why do I like it so much? Or is it just something I happened to do well and there went life? (I don't actually think that but I do feel a similar love for most languages, Spanish just happened to be the only thing taught...) And interestingly enough, something I continued because I did well is now something that keeps me pretty humble. There's always more to learn, more to experience, more ways to grow.

Just a moment to pause and wonder why I love the things I do. I'm sure some of it is the old nature vs. nurture argument. Like why anything from Europe fascinates me. Why seeing any country's national pride makes me get goosebumps. Why I sometimes just get the itch to to marry that gorgeous soccer player from Spain, and live there and take dancing lessons and that's that. (I won't, but you get the idea.) Or teach English in another country or be a librarian in another country (yeah, that's a new one, probably based on my excitement of getting 5 new books in the mail and wanting to share that with someone. So I guess bookstore owner would work,too?)

Dreams are funny. We shall see which of these comes true. Not that I don't love my life. It's just that sometimes you just get that longing to BE something, like this lady dancer. I could be her. I really could. They need Dutch flamenco dancers, right?

Escobar

Andres or Pablo? The difference? One is a murdered Colombian soccer star and the other was a Colombian drug cartel leader. Why do I care? Because Joy and I happened upon this documentary last night on ESPN. There were many things I loved about this:
1. It was all in Spanish with English subtitles, so I practiced my listening skills.
2. I learned a LOT--which I love.
3. #2 makes me a huge nerd and I'm pretty ok with that.
4. I have a friend who not only watched it with me, but loved it just as much as I did, probably for all the same reasons.
5. After the documentary (because we weren't done being nerdy) we had a discussion about immigration.

That pretty much sums it up. And this was after we layed out, went to Bread & Cup, etc. All in all, tip top day. It's funny how you can be friends with someone for so long and still have interests that completely match up. I love this about my long-standing loyal friends.

Skipping

The other day I had this image pop into my head about my walk with God. Do I want to be this girl in the picture who willingly follows her father on the adventure? Or do I want to continue being the girl who drags her feet because she's scared and has to pause for reassurance every 5 minutes? The first one seems more fun. And I think it all comes down to how much do I trust my Father?

Purpose

That's a tricky word. One I usually like to have a handle on. Mainly because I like to be efficient. And why do something if it doesn't have a point? And then God asked me to teach in a public school. And that obvious purpose went right out the window. At least to my half-closed eyes for awhile. I will say there are many times I wonder what the heck God is doing with me, being Teacher Jill. And don't get me wrong, I love my job. But I do often wonder what's up with it.

Working with high schoolers is just so weird sometimes. Okay, most of the time but you tend to get accustomed to it after awhile. For example, I have this group of kids that have been in my study hall for the last 3 years. Some of them call me Mom. They're a rough group of kids and we've been through a lot in the last 3 years. We've had a parent die, one got kicked out of school for some illegal activity, break-ups within the group (oh.my.awkward) and everything in between. And we have this relationship where they tell me everything about everyone else but not themselves (probably because a lot of it is illegal or just super inappropriate.)

Anyway, the point to this post. So I usually don't feel like I make any headway with them because I can't actually share Jesus at school like I so often want to. And don't get me wrong, a lot of these kids go to church, my church even. But then I was at Starbucks the other day. And one of them was eating with his parents at Chipotle and they told him I was over at Starbucks. So he came and sat by me after dinner and then proceeded to talk to me for 45 minutes about his mission trip to an Indian reservation. He talked about how he was so sad to leave, how he didn't feel like he had any purpose to just "hanging out with friends" like he used to, etc. And we talked. Well, mainly he talked and I listened. And marveled at this kid, thinking where did this come from?

So maybe that's the point. I build relationships with these kids and hope and pray that they know I'm there when they need me to be. And I know that's true deep down but sometimes it's nice to be reminded with something concrete. I'm not sure I even said anything to him that was earth-shattering or worthwhile at all. But I listened. And he was a 17 year old boy who never shares about more than what video game he's playing, who decided to share his heart with me. God is good.

oh the drive...

Sometimes I have a lot of drive and sometimes I don't. Or more accurately, it all depends on what we're talking about. Yesterday I wrote out this week's goals. And today I finished season 2 of Gossip Girl (I had to watch 5 episodes to do it and totes fun with Lindsey.) So there I had a lot of drive.

But now I'm supposed to work out and do so before Katie gets home so we can hang out. And it's only a 20 minute video. But I am seriously crabby about having to change out of my lovely dress and put on shorts. I hate shorts. They always ride up because no matter how small I am, my thighs will inevitably touch. And I hate to sweat or at least my version of sweating, which is getting really hot and semi-pissed off. I'm not cut out for this working out stuff, I'm much more in my happy place being girlie in my dress, drinking coffee. But alas, I don't want to weigh 500 pounds or in the nearer future, have jiggly arms. So I will work out. Be glad you don't have to talk to me during it tonight...I won't be pleasant.