things i heard today

in the hall:
*"I just burnt my hand on the *bleep* blender."  Is that even possible?  I'm guessing you don't get an A in Foods.
*"Maybe we can weld it together!"  As 5 boys huddle around a lawn chair in the hall.  That's the new thing.  BYOL.  Bring your own lawn chair.

to me:
*"You look nice today.  But from the neck down to your waist, it's kind of like an army jacket."  p.s. that was a dude.  Stop looking at me.  Same one that told me I looked like I was dressed like Peter Pan the other day.  Also the same one that told me he reallly liked my boots.  I just pretend that he's batting for the other team.

*"Ms. Wies!  My butt really hurts."  "Ok.  Don't want to know."  "No, but it HURTS.  Like inside my butt crack."  'You are are strange person.  I never want to know these things.  Text your grandma instead of telling me."  By the way, he claimed he hurt his tailbone on my chair, thus being my fault.  Then why the H does it hurt your crack?  He also told me was going to start telling me all of these things because he doesn't have a mom so now it's my job.  Awesome.

*"Ms. Wies! I drew you!  See, these are your angel wings and halo."  This sounds sweet but he also drew another teacher who shall remain nameless with horns and devil spear.  So it kind of ruined the moment.